myspace blog update
Bronze at the British Championships
On Sunday the 16th December, I took part in the British Taekwondo Championships held at SportCity, Manchester.
My coaches Charlene and Louise (L & L) were competing alongside me and we decided it was best to go up on Friday to get the weigh-in over and done with (which consists queuing up for ages behind a load of other people, most of whom have been starving for weeks to make their weight, all waiting to strip to their undies and be weighed in an ice-cold room!) and get the long drive behind us so that we had the whole of Saturday to chill out, rest and eat chocolate in preparation for Sunday.
I won the prize of sleeping on the sofa in our motel room which was exceptionally uncomfortable and on the morning of the comp I was awoken to Charlene jumping out of the shower singing “beautiful girl” at the top of her voice and dancing around in her towel… and i wondered whether this was what I should be doing, since she’d been the reigning British Champion for 8 years running and I was watching her every move in case something she was doing could potentially aid a good performance. Couldn’t quite muster the same gusto as she did, what with it being so early in the morning, but did a fairly good rendition of “Worlds Greatest” that seemed to have a similar affect on my mood. I just hoped it would have a knock-on affect to my performance!
What I really learned from this competition, was that every single thing over the whole weekend, from leaving the house in london, to leaving the competition on sunday was new to me. Every second, there was some little competition routine that I had to go through for the first time…
What do you eat for breakfast? when should you eat it? what should you wear to the venue? when do you strap your feet up? when do you warm up? Where do you go to get your fight card? where do you go to find out who and when you’re fighting? when do you warm up? What ring am i on? What should you do to warm up? what songs should i listen to on my ipod? when do you pad up? which side of the ring do you go on if you’re fighting red? who’s got my head guard? where is the kettle i need to mould my gum-shield? chocolate covered brazil nuts or yogurt coated ones?
… the list is endless, so very quickly i could feel myself becoming overwhelmed by “the little things” rather than the important things. There was no chance to sit and prepare mentally for fighting… I was too busy working out how everything worked and making sure i was in the right place at the right time. Charlene and Louise were completely relaxed. They knew exactly how long everything would take, when and where to do it and what it was like. All they had to consider was who they were fighting, turn up and do it. They’d done it a million times before since they were about 5 years old.
It wasn’t that stressful for me, it was just so much information to process that it was hard to shut it out and focus on the task at hand. I knew i was physically capable of getting gold. The training I’d been doing had exploded that last few weeks and I was flying! but i could tell very early on that mentally I wasn’t where i needed to be in order to win anything. What to do about it was the question.
I started to realise that actually, there was always going to be a first time… and that I had to get it over with. After that I just relaxed and enjoyed the experience. From now on, of course, all “the little things” will be routine and i’ll be able to just think about who i’m fighting and how. That’s it!
Clive, our head coach had driven up on the Sunday morning and brought sandwiches and cakes, bless him, though i couldn’t eat. I had to eat some lucozade gell sachets as my stomach just didn’t want to know.
I owe a massive thank you to Mark, who kept me wonderfully upbeat with his witty text messages throughout the weekend, which kept me focussing on the positive, and gave me something to giggle about, when there was nothing else to giggle about. With his help (and Tim Minchin on the ipod) the day seemed to fly by and finally, around 2pm I was called for the semi-finals. I remember Clive saying to me… “just win this one and you get silver”…
I’d warmed up with Clive just before the fight and my opponent’s coach had stood and watched me warm up. I could hear his brain listing all my weaknesses and judging what would be the best way to beat me. I blanked it out and got on with the warm-up, but i noted the negative effect it could have on someone and filed it for future reference. Perhaps i’ll use it against one of my future opponents.
The semi-final fight was against a girl about 7 foot tall and built like a house. She’d been in the British Team for quite some time so she was also very experienced and very talented apparently. (I don’t remember much). I asked Clive whether there was any point trying to hit her in the head… a nightmare for me if he said no, since head kicks are my real strength and if I couldn’t reach her, that was going to remove a good portion of my arsenal. I’ve already lost biting, shin kicks and head butting, since its against the rules. I didn’t fancy losing head kicks as well!
Clive’s considered opinion, was a cheeky grin and said… “if you can climb up high enough, yeah! hit her in the head”
So, up for a challenge and considering the benefits of knocking her out asap, 10 seconds into the fight, I’d kicked her squarely round the head and got my first 2 points. I felt totally relaxed and confident… I looked over to Clive, who grinned and put two thumbs up in my direction. “I could win this”, I thought…and apparently he was thinking the same thing.
The end of the first round came, and I remember Clive telling me to do more combination kicks rather than launching with just one. He then slaps my body armour, gives me a fatherly pat on the head, smiles and I go back in feeling about 4 years old and at my first day of school!
…and then, I can’t really remember what happened exactly. I felt that we traded blows for the whole round and yet her kicks were the only ones being scored. I’d worked really hard in training, on making my kicks snap hard enough to be audible for the judges, but obviously not hard enough.
I remember being aware that the fight was getting away from me…and was hoping that the end of the 2nd round would come quickly so i could focus myself again for the 3rd… but just before the bell went, she swung a turning kick up at my head and though i rarely get hit round the head… it connected, she got the 2 points she needed to be ahead by 7 points and the fight was over.
I was gutted that she’d won, but more because I knew I was better than her technically and was way fitter than she was. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that I probably lost because her vast experience had made her more mentally prepared than me. Being in the British Team and training since she was a baby , meant competitions were something she’d spent every weekend of her youth doing. I’d had 8 years of no training, trained for 4 months and jumped straight into this!! At the same time it was great to know this because I can now go out and get loads of experience, come back and wipe the floor with her next time.
The other frustating thing was that it meant i wouldn’t get to fight anyone else after her and I really wanted some more experience. I was learning so much, but alas… I was out, and had to go home with my bronze.
and whilst I didn’t get the result I wanted, I have to say that I got a whole lot more than I realised I would get. The experience was invaluable and already Clive has planned for us to go the Dutch Open early next year to fight there. I’ll have to do some smaller competitions before we go but i’m really excited… plus…. another road trip with the girls!!! Awesome!!!
As for Charlene and Louise, they did great!
Charlene nailed a 7-0 final in about 30 seconds whilst desperate for a pee, taking the gold medal and louise took silver after some of the most agressive fighting I’ve ever seen from someone so small! The last time Louise competed 2 years ago, she had her jaw broken in two by a kick to the head, so she was battling her own demons on the day as well as the actual opponents. She was incredible.
The medal ceremony was fun and i’ll aim to get some of the photos that Clive took of all of us with our medals and post them asap.
I also won the prize of driving us home, as i’d made Charlene do all the driving up until then and it was a really nice atmosphere in the car. We were happy and totally exhausted but glad it was over. We were excitedly discussing the next competition and we can’t wait to go abroad and kick some ass in Holland.
But now, its time for a well-deserved break. I’ve got 2 weeks off where i doubt i’ll do anything except eat, sleep and hang out with friends and family.
I think the most important thing this blog should say is that I’m proud of myself for going and I’m proud of myself for how much work I did to get there. I’m not so bothered about the result as I am about the amount of fun I had doing this competition. I loved every second of it… including the head-kicking bit!!
Bring on the Dutch Open!
Another Excerpt From My Book…
This is an excerpt from my book, from the final chapter called Living the Transformation.
You may wish to download the accompanying hypnosis CD free here… 
Love yourself as you are
Have you ever looked at a picture of yourself when you were thinner than you are now, but can remember that at the time the picture was taken you were feeling really fat? Have you ever stared at that picture and wished that you were as slim as that now? Imagine how it would feel if you could just be happy with the body you have today. How would that change the way you’re living your life right now? Do you put things off because you want to wait until you’re slimmer? Ask yourself whether it’s the ‘putting things off’ that’s causing you to be overweight rather than the other way round.
There is absolutely no point in spending a single minute hating the body you’re in. Not only does that send negative messages to your unconscious mind, which manifest themselves in terms of less energy and poorer health, but it’s just a total waste of time. You are probably the only person who cares what your body looks or feels like. Everyone else is too busy worrying about their own!
If you just decided to enjoy the body you have, what would you start doing? What would you do that you used to do in the picture? Grab your life with both hands and don’t let it go. You can live your life in a prison of insecurity and self-consciousness if you choose to, but that’s not really living. Get out there, have some fun with all your lovely wobbly bits, and while you are thinking more positively about yourself and your life, they might just disappear!
Move your beautiful body
It is not essential to exercise in a gym in order to lose weight. I know that the very thought of exercising in a public place, having to wear tight-fitting clothing, and the risk of people watching you, can make the whole process seem terrifying. However, the human body was designed to move and it releases pleasure-inducing chemicals called endorphines and serotonin when you do so, so if you do choose to move and enjoy your body every day, you will feel very good afterwards!
Create a brainstorm of all the different ways you could bring movement into your life that don’t necessarily involve going to the gym and try each one of them at least once to see if you enjoy it. Find a way to move that makes you feel good about yourself, such as dancing to upbeat music for 15 minutes in your bedroom.
If you are very overweight and find all movement difficult, just start gradually. Think in terms of steps at first and add just a few extra steps daily. Each day it will get easier and you’ll be surprised at how quickly you can progress. Every time you move you’ll start to feel better physically, sleep better and feel better about yourself, which in turn helps you lose more weight. Remember also that if you can find ways to feel good all the time that don’t include food, your brain won’t send the message that you’re hungry and you’ll feel satisfied for longer.
If you do endurance activities, your muscles get very good at burning fuel to keep them going. If you do strenuous activities, such as lifting heavy weights, your muscles grow larger, requiring more fuel to sustain them and carry them around. Moving increases your metabolism too.
The obvious activity that works both as a physical exercise, but also as a fantastic emotional boost is sex. Your sexual appetite is controlled by the same part of your brain that controls your appetite for food, so ensure you have as much monogamous, safe sex as possible and you’ll find the weight much easier to lose. If you’re not happy enough with your body to enjoy sex, whether it’s because of your physical appearance or the feelings you have about it, do the mind expansion problem-solving exercise (see page x) and then the exercise to remove some limiting beliefs (see page x). Remember that sex or making love is about sharing an incredibly intimate experience with another human being. If they don’t care about your weight, then just enjoy yourself. Don’t rob yourself of pleasurable feelings and continue the habit of putting off until your slim, what could make you happy today. Make love like you’re the shape and size you want to be. It’s all in the attitude anyway.
MY BOOK IS OUT MONDAY 10th DEC 2007
This is an extract from my first book, “How to Lose Weight Without Dieting” available to buy on Amazon.co.uk from Monday!!!
Our feelings make us fat
The truth is that our feelings make us overweight. Of course junk food, a high-fat diet, lack of exercise, poverty or genetics play their part. But the reality is that many of us use food to fulfil our emotional needs. I know I did, and at my lowest ebb, when I thought I would have to struggle with my weight forever, I even considered suicide. Only the thought of the paramedics looking critically at my fat dead body prevented me. It’s shocking to think that vanity saved my life, but that was the case.
The issue of fat is a serious one. The obesity crisis is costing the taxpayer millions of pounds a year, but it’s also costing us in terms of lost living. It scares me to see the fast rise in the numbers of obese teenagers, along with the increased availability of stomach-stapling operations, with no question of psychological guidance. We are lead to believe that overweight people are lazy or stupid. After all, it’s obvious, isn’t it? You just do more exercise and eat less food and then you’ll no longer be fat. If only it were that simple.
My weight gain, like many others’, was a symptom of a much deeper problem. My complete lack of self-esteem and confidence (most of it learned from my mum’s behaviour towards herself); the negative relationship I had forged with my physical body which I’d grown to hate because of the bullying; a lack of friends and extreme loneliness; the beliefs I held about myself and the world; the food habits I had learned and the love/hate relationship with food that had developed as a result: all of these factors contributed to my unconscious use of food as a means of comfort, control and pleasure
Once my eyes were opened, and with a raging curiosity, I set out on a journey of personal discovery, armed with some important questions:
• Why was I so successful in all other areas of my life, but had failed so miserably in this one?
• How could I gain back the personal power that I’d let slip away over the years?
• What did I need to change about what I was doing?
• What did I need to change about the way I was thinking?
• What beliefs did I need to change?
• How could I use the way my body worked to my advantage?
• How could I prevent others from going through what I had?
• Where did I want to end up?
This book is a result of the learning curves I went through to get to where I am today, as well as the work that I’ve done with my clients to help them achieve their dreams. Inevitably, I had to go down some blind alleys before I reached my current position, but I have consolidated everything that you need to know so you can do it more quickly and enjoyably than I did.
Taming the monster
The decision to write this book came after a conversation with a very close friend who had suffered with weight problems similar to mine. She had recently put on a lot of weight, but when I saw her it seemed as if something had calmed inside her, so I asked how she was feeling. What she said really touched me. A couple of months previously she had run out of energy to control the monster, as she called her desire to eat, so it had taken over for a while. However, she now felt strong again and the monster was back under control. By this she meant that she was weighing and measuring every morsel of food she ate, was following a diet programme and watching the clock until the next mealtime. Her weekly food allowance was allocated rigidly and her one day off a week was marked on the calendar.
I asked her if she was happy with the way things were and she replied, ‘What choice do I have?’ At no point had she considered that she could ever be free of the ‘monster’ she felt ruled her life. For her, eating was either ‘out of control’ or ‘under concentration-camp control’. She believed that this was a war she was born into, and had no choice about. I asked if that was good enough for her. She thought for a moment, possibly considering spending the rest of her life in this cycle, and I could sense she suddenly realized there might be a third option: what if we tamed the monster and turned it into something useful? I could see by the look in her eyes that this was what she longed for, but found hard to hope for. ‘It’s not good enough really, is it?’ she sighed. This was the moment when, had I already written the book, I would have handed her a copy.
I knew I had to write the ultimate weight-loss book; the last one that anyone would ever have to read. In my greater dreams the book would end the obesity war and set people free forever. A book that parents could read and teach their kids so no one would have to suffer the childhood of diets, shame and guilt that I had endured. I hope very much that you decide to empower yourself with the secrets in this book and become one of those who are now enjoying life, having tamed the monster, ended the war and, most important, ended diets.
myspace blog
I’ve started a myspace page so i can collect friends and feel the love of complete strangers… and they have a blog spot too, so i’ll link up to anything i say there, incase you want to hear about it.
Read my inspired drivel here:
x
What You Resist Persists
What you resist persists!
have you noticed that whatever you fear or hate the most, keeps showing up, over and over again?
that situations you avoid always end up confronting you in the end? and when you focus your attention on something, it seems to occupy more of your time and space than it did before?
this is because of a phenomenon known as “what you resist, persists”
Think about the experiences, people, feelings, situations that you don’t want to experience. You expend more energy and attention in your efforts to avoid it than if you dealt with it straight away. its almost like you’ve got our arm outstretched like a jedi, using the force to keep it at bay… it takes so much strength to keep resisting it, that eventually, you weaken, let your guard down and it hits you full on, only now you’re knackered and have no energy to deal with it.
The best thing to do is completely and utterly surrender to it. If you keep running, it will keep chasing. Turn and face it, embrace it, FEEL it and appreciate it. By doing so, you can actually take control of it, assimilate it, change it and move passed it.
This is most obvious in my work with illness and injuries. We never feel more helpless than when we are sick or injured, because we think it something that’s being done TO us!!!
so what do we do? We take pills to avoid the pain, get almost angry at the part of the body that’s hurt and try and distract our attention from it, like little children who don’t want to play!
All this resistance does, is set up a constant stream of focus on NOT feeling something, which is impossible! Try NOT thinking of a pink elephant!!! it just don’t work!
When you realise that all your body is trying to do is help you, you can begin to embrace the process, rather than resist it. As soon as you do this, you’ll be working alongside your body and you will heal far more quickly than if you try and run from it.
For illness, start by appreciating what an incredible work of art your body is. Your immune system plays a fine balance between killing off infection and not killing you in the process. Its utterly incredible so start by admiring it and being thankful that it works! Next, label the experience just as it is - rather than illness, pain, disease or whatever… its the HEALING process. emphasis on HEALING!!!
Next fill your body with gratitude, acceptance and repeat constantly “thank you for my healing”… so that your focus is on acceptance and not resistance of pain/illness.
For injury, do the same as above. Appreciate that your body sends your brain pain signals so that you will avoid putting pressure on the weak area until it is healed. Don’t resist it by ignoring the pain and pretending its not there, embrace it, love it and respect it. Take care of the injured part, give it some TLC like you would if your favourite pet was hurt. I hear people say they want to take their mind off the pain… why?? get right in there and feel it, feel it, feel it… just don’t label the sensation as pain, label it as HEALING! that’s what healing feels like, only when you label it differently you feel differently about it, don’t you!
For emotions that you’re trying to resist, this is the most fun of all!! We always try to pretend that we’re not feeling something, anger, rejection, sadness etc… and yet does ignoring it make it go away? Nope! we believe either that if we ignore it, perhaps it will go away by itself, or that if we express it, people will stop loving us because we’re not supposed to have ugly feelings.
Now, you don’t have to express it TO anyone… that doesn’t help - but in order to move through it, you must feel it first. After all, its already there, its just burning up a hole inside your body, producing all kinds of horrible hormones that you’re body is having to filter out through your liver, which makes you tired!!
The reason you know it just sits there, is because when you suddenly experience a situation that warrants a public display of that emotion, it comes pouring out of you in vastly over exaggerated amounts… (called over-reacting). Its just waited for a good excuse, that’s all. People who go to pubs and get into fights… do so unconsciously on purpose so they can express the anger they’ve stored up but not expressed. martyrs constantly do things for people knowing they will be disappointed so they can justify feeling sorry for themselves….
So, my advice is to FEEL whatever it is that you’re feeling, but don’t just get your feet wet. GO SWiMMING! scream into a pillow, make stupid faces, cry until you’ve nothing left, beat up your settee… but don’t you dare blame anyone for that feeling except yourself and never take it out on anyone either. They didn’t make you feel angry, sad etc. You interpreted events to make you feel that way. The important thing is that you understand that emotions are there to teach us a lesson. Once we’ve experienced the emotion and passed through it, we can experience the life lesson and move on. While we constantly resist the experience, it will just wait there for us and make it impossible for us to walk through it and onto the other side.
This is what happens when people get depressed. Its a natural part of the human experience, and often happens during change. Its the last part of letting go of something. We experience sadness that something we had isn’t there anymore, but after the sadness comes acceptance. Its not supposed to last very long. You’re supposed to feel sad, embrace it and then go through it. Trouble is, its such a horrible feeling at first that we try to run from it, ignore it…. so it lurks there and becomes the feeling known as depression. If you just dive in, swim around and explore it, you can then get out onto dry land the other side.
So… resistance is futile remember. Surrender, embrace , accept and then take control… and remember to FEEL FEEL FEEL FEEL FEEL! Whether you label it as painful or pleasurable or just the way it is, that’s exactly what you’ll experience, but experience it you must.
I know I said
that my next post would be about relationships… and it will be.
i just wanted to post a quick message to the lovely people who work at Borders Books.. in the buying department.
BORDERS… BORDERS… BORDERS….BORDERS…BORDERS… BORDERS
ARE THE BEST
BORDERS… BORDERS… BORDERS… BORDERS.. BORDERS … BORDERS
ARE THE BEST
please pre-order a million copies of my book for the New Year.
Thank you!
What do you do when you don’t want to leave?
Something I experience very often in my job is that I’ll suddenly have a run of people all coming to me with the same issue and i find myself repeating my advice over and over. Its wierdly always a mix of clients and friends rather than purely clients. A couple of months ago it was broken hearts, last month it was money and this month people are questioning their relationships.
All the people I’ve spoken to this month have been married for over 5 years and have one or more children. As with most long-term relationships their lives have become interleaved in many ways. Families, friends, finances, houses and even businesses. So the option just to walk away when the going gets tough is buried under a mountain of potential emotional hurts (not seeing your kids every day, your baby calling some other guy daddy!, the fear that it will be worse on your own, that you won’t be happier at the end of it, downgrading your lifestyle substantially, breaking apart what you’ve spent years building up) … you name it, leaving means pain for most couples.
Its no wonder then, that regardless of the problems being experienced, the tendency for married couples is to stay together and make the best of it (meaning a wide variety of “best of its” including affairs, living separate lives, becoming emotionally numbed, or perhaps plans to leave once the kids are grown up).
Until the pain of staying outweighs the pain of leaving, you’ll stay in the relationship, however miserable you are. This is why its rare for marriage to end without there being another man or woman involved. The reason you can face the pain of leaving is knowing that you’ll be with someone you love and things look greener on the other side.
However, not only is there a way to get back the passionate relationship you once had, but if you do decide that your marriage is over, there are a number of things that can make it much easier than you thinks its going to be, without having to wait until you find someone else who’ll make the pain easier for you to bear.
More importantly, you should realise that if you don’t fully understand what you have or haven’t done to make your relationship turn sour, you will inevitably find someone else and make the same mistakes over and over again.
So if you are married and struggling to overcome an issue with your partner, its worth giving my advice a shot before you consider leaving. You may just end up happier than you’ve ever been, get to stay with your kids and teach them a vital lesson about how to have a loving relationship that last a lifetime, and avoid a stressful separation that could end up with you back in the same situation 5 years down the road.
My next blog will contain the advice for people wanting to make their relationships as passionate as they were when you first met.
The one after that will be for those people who’ve realised that after applying my advice, the gap is too wide to bridge and they don’t want to make it work any more, but want to feel better about leaving.
Apparently my book is going to be promoted in Waterstones!
Its been mentioned that my new book “How to Lose Weight Without Dieting” will be featured prominently in Waterstones in the new year, as part of their NEW YEAR, NEW YOU campaign… so I am ludicrously excited about seeing my name as I walk into my local branch.
I hope Borders also pre-order a similarly large number, as I’d love to sit in my favourite place (Starbucks in Borders, in Angel) watching people looking at (and hopefully buying) copies of my book! It just might become my new favourite leisure activity!
Just don’t blow my cover if you see me ok… pull up a chair and join the party and I might buy you a coffee!
A ray of Sunshine born on 12th October at 7:35am
After a long day at work on the 11th October, I arrived for rehearsals at Nicky’s house at 6pm when she proudly told me that her labour had started, and her contractions were about 20 mins apart. I realised that this meant she would probably give birth tonight. Fine!…. I thought.
We had dinner together, and I felt weirdly full afterwards…then that sick feeling I had a couple of weeks before returned and I began to feel nauseas.
Oh Fuckery, I thought!
I got through rehearsal for the gig. Dionne was pleased and she and Faye left so I could start HypnoBirthing with Nicky. I gave her some hypnosis to get things moving and when her boyfriend Emmanuel arrived, I left them too it as I felt completely sick and in pain and needed to go home. When I got there, I threw up and dived into bed with my electric blanket on full, shivering.
At midnight I got a call from Nicky saying her contractions were about 3-5 mins apart. I threw up once for luck, jumped in the car and went round. As I entered the front door, Emmanuel rushed passed me saying “I’ve got to pop out. I’ll be right back” and failed to return until then next day due to an unexpected personal emergency. There went my support for the evening!
Oh Fuckery Fuckery!
I continued to throw up aproximately once an hour, feeling dizzy every time I stood up. I passed out only once, but luckily no one clocked it!
Nicky was doing amazingly well, was perfectly comfortable in a darkened room, pretty much sleeping through the contractions, until the film crew arrived and turned on the bedroom light, as if they thought they were on a film set or something!
We both knew at that point that they were going to be intrusive, had ignored pretty much everything we’d told them about the need for dim light and calm surroundings and I could see this was clearly stressing Nicky out. The contractions began to get painful as her labour progressed, a clear sign of stress, but the only option was to send the crew home and she felt she couldn’t do that. She still did well, but she was far more uncomfortable than she should have been in my opinion.
Another blow hit us, when we called the midwife that we’d discussed our birth plan with, only to find out she couldn’t come as she was ill (light weight!) so another one was appointed and turned up 3 hours late with 2 assistants and no idea what hypnobirthing was!! Despite that, we did ok, and they were relatively respectful of Nicky’s birth plan and hypnobirthing requirements.
Could have done without the director asking the midwife in a loud voice just before she was about to breath her baby effortlessly into the world “SO HOW MUCH PAIN IS NICKY IN RIGHT NOW, THEN?” but luckily Nicky had managed to block them out by that point as she was in no pain.
Finally, at 7:30am Friday morning, after much vomiting from me and some gas and air for Nicky, she effortlessly breathed, NOT pushed her baby into the world, naturally, safely, calmly, silently at home. I was so proud of her I could have burst!! We cried our eyes out as we realised that little Sunshine was finally here with us, and Nicky and the three of us had shared an experience we will never forget.
I waited until Nicky and Sun were safely taken care of, which meant at one point rescuing Sun from being bandaged up in a thick scratchy towell and preventing the film crew from shining a light right in his face to get some “cute shots” (seriously!), had a quick interview with them behind bloodshot eyes and gritted teeth and finally went home.
I dived into bed, blanket up to full heat, had a total of ONE hours sleep , got up, showered, dressed and left for Old Kent Road where Dionne and 4 friends were picking Faye (my backing singer partner) and I up to go and perform at her gig in Shrewsbury.
I managed to get there without being sick, and slept in the van all the way up North. We got there late and walked into the venue and jumpred on stage to do a quick soundcheck… there was no time to chill, so we got changed in the dressing room, whacked some lippy on and pretty much walked straight on stage. No time to think about it even….
And amazingly, as I walked out of the dressing room i noticed I suddenly felt absolutely FINE and preceded to actively enjoy every second of the 10 songs we performed. It went really well, (Dionne is bloody amazing) and the feedback from the audience was fantastic! I’m completely addicted now and want to do another gig asap! Universe? …. Thank you!
We chilled out for a bit with pizza and some friends of Dionne’s and then in the early hours, we crowbarred our slightly bigger ego’s and arses back in the van to make the journey home to London (playing a pretty intense and at one point potentially violent game of eye-spy along the way… “D for Dark Sky” for fucks sake Anthony!)
I finally got dropped off home about 5am Saturday morning, jumped straight into bed and slept until the afternoon when I went back to visit Nicky and her beautiful new baby Sunshine!
and they are GORGEOUS GORGEOUS GORGEOUS!
So job well done all round for everyone, but a bitch turd crap fucking bugger fuck of a long and tiring few days!